Yesterday I waxed intense in response to the characterization of a generation of kids who ‘aren’t competitive’.
After reflection I realized that this is a complex subject fraught with conflict.
While those who measure their own worth in terms of their ability to surpass others are invoking superficial criteria, on the other hand those who pretend there is no innate and also constructive aspect to measuring oneself against others are distorting reality in order to simplify life.
Why do I think this is the case? I think that human history has devolved into a world in which many people find subtlety and nuance too overwhelming and only use material criteria to measure their success, only quantifiable phenomena. Material criteria are meaningful, though they don’t comprise all meaning, and a danger lies in rejecting this type of criteria totally.
Similarly, the standards we describe as ‘winning’, which is based on competitive systems, and therefore based on defeating others, can usurp a life. On the other hand, to eschew the desire to defeat others leads to imagining that one can dismiss hierarchical judgment altogether. The danger in doing so is that critical thinking becomes impossible. Evaluating phenomena is an essential aspect of the response of our senses, of our system of perceptions, whether it be as basic as determining whether it’s cold enough to wear a jacket or not, or asking oneself what is preferable in any situation. I have come to believe that nothing is arbitrary…that is, I think that we bring every aspect of ourselves along in the decision making process, and that when we reduce our idea of ourselves and of that process to a process determined solely by a ‘gut level’ response, we are short changing the wonderful, integrated systems we have, which in fact we cannot but use: the mind and body working together.
I have encountered many people who don’t relate to being competitive, or possessive, or jealous. Often I find that they have come to believe that it is better to ‘not have an ego’ at all. I of course thing being egotistical is a vice, but having an ego is simply a part of functioning.
There is a reaction to the overwhelming emphasis on competition that may be described as repression.
Children vie for attention, and so do adults. How do we find a way to recognize and acknowledge this need, and yet not live in terms of a soulless competitive energy?
Is competition a sublimation, a compensation for a childhood in which attention was not received adequately? Or in which the injunction to be useful rather than just ‘to be’ was received too well?
In my case, I feel as though I have to prove my value at every moment, and that I always fall short. My strength relies on defiance and even on desperation. This is a distorted type of competitiveness.
I think language is the issue here, as much as anything: We seek to accomplish and achieve. The goals we set in response to our interests and the needs we perceive in the community become buoys we can progress toward, each of us on our own, marking our journey without comparing our progress with those of others.
Except that of course, the reality is that others are striving for the same positions we are, others will invite us to the homes they have been able to afford to purchase, and the
emotional responses are innate and are not destructive, as long as we see them in context.
If we totally suppress or overcome or develop beyond competition, how do we describe our responses? Is it not inevitable that we compare ourselves to others? I think it is. Is it inevitable that we operate only in terms of these comparisons? No. Is it necessary that we become pejorative toward ourselves when we catch ourselves making comparisons, or feeling jealous or envious? Also no.
How can we encompass the duality? We want to win, to do better than the others, and be acknowledged for it. We also not only are enjoined to see a bigger picture, we want to. Here’s an idea: the knowledge that seeking to excel allows our species to develop criteria, and criteria are essential to a functioning society. It is, therefore, contributive to the whole, when we fight to win. Using our ability to check out the idea that meeting our individual needs is intrinsic to our well being as a group can help us wield the energy we use to fulfill our drives while respecting ourselves as being reasonably ethical.